That was my *favorite* piece of unsolicited advice I received when I was pregnant with my first baby. And I got this advice from DOZENS of people. But the problem with saying this to an expectant mom is tri-fold because:
- It’s a challenge to just lay down and fall asleep when the baby sleeps
- I am an entrepreneur. I run businesses. So, I have to *run* them when the baby sleeps
- …and it’s outdated.
I know that everyone who said this meant well. And I truly appreciate their sentiment. But the message is MUCH much easier said than done. We moms NEED to sleep when the baby sleeps but the problem is – we can’t.
If you’re trying to unravel how you’re supposed to follow the advice of well-intentional women while also meeting your own needs – you’re not the only one. Look at today’s society. We are constantly being bombarded with messages, pings, things to do, businesses to run, appointments, play dates, other kids to take care of… etc and etc…
Modern-day motherhood is a management marathon. If you’re overwhelmed with it, you’re not alone; cause girl, I’ve been there too. Actually, I AM there right now. For me, I own & operate TWO businesses, I am also the CEO of my household, I have a husband, two dogs, and now a baby. It’s like I have 16 jobs everyday that I need to tend to.
Ok, tell me again when I am supposed to sleep?
(But also, to satisfy today’s society, I am also supposed to look presentable at all times and my baby is supposed to be an angel. That’s a whole other blog post I could digress to but I won’t!) Ok, now, let’s wake up from that DREAM and talk about reality. The reality is that we moms DO need to REST and we DO need to SLEEP. (and a LOT of it!) But how do we do that? Well, it takes a lot of planning, asking for help (something I hope you are better at than me) and swapping out time for care.
First, if you have a husband or partner – LEAN ON THEM! They need to understand that they need to help with the baby or children. (I am not good at this – so I need to take my own advice)
Second, map out a schedule – weekly perhaps – where both adults can look at the days of the upcoming week to see who is in charge of the kid(s) and go from there – so no parent or guardian is resentful for having the kids dropped in their lap…sometimes literally!
Then, from there, when you know what free time you have – map out your own SELF CARE. I don’t care if it’s a nap, a massage, reading, journaling, shopping (ALONE!) or catching up on an episode of your favorite TV Show. It’s YOUR time off! Do what you LOVE and what will feed your soul! Now, not only do you have something to look forward to, your partner knows what the schedule is so they need to be ready to take on the home duties and vice versa.
For me, I have a 14 month old. I have done 99% of the night shifts since she’s been born. (And PS she doesn’t sleep through the night!) So, I need to take an hour or two off during the day to seriously zone out and watch some reality TV or go get a pedicure or heck maybe catch up on that sleep everyone tells me about! LOL!
Now, my husband and I are fortunate enough that we can afford daycare so I seriously do a LOT of planning for the 3 days she is at her school. I mostly run my businesses those three days – but my businesses are in Real Estate and Clean Wine & Coffee Sales. So, they are really 24/7 business and I use those three days to prepare for the 4 days I do have my baby with me.
Now, would I love to have her home full-time? Sure! But in today’s economy, that’s not realistic. So, if you are feeling overwhelmed, stressed, tired (who isn’t!?) or just not yourself – PLEASE reach out to help. Maybe to your partner, mom-friend, co-worker (or ME!) and ask for help! Your kids need you more than you know & if Momma ain’t well – it trickles down and affects everything and everyone.
Also, I am not a doctor or therapist. I am speaking from one momma to another about real and raw momma things. And I am a new mom, my 14-month-old is my first baby! So, speaking from experience here – Motherhood is the best gift I could have ever received but, boy oh boy, it’s exhausting. No book or piece of advice could have prepared me for it.
Sleep when the baby sleeps, they said. It’ll be just fine, they said. And it is! With or without sleep!
